Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
