I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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