I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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