Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
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How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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