I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
