Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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