the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
