I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
