he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
