I've blown a few things in my day
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
