I think my vagina is haunted
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
