feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
