I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
