24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Randomize