quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
