I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
