so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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