Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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