Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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