guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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