Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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