Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
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