She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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