Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
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I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
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Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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