I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
