The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hippo gnu deer
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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