I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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