Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
