eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I have aggressive nipples.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
