i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
