Say something about gay babies.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
