We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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