is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
