I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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