My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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