you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
