i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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