her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
