This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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