he thought i was a dude.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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