did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize