I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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