I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
