And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
