I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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