batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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