I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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