Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
