It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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