i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
