I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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