Betty ford says i'm here all night
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
