We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
How's work?
Spinning.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
