my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
