Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
