If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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