I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
