I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
