There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Randomize
