HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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