Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
