he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
