Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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