i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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