I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dignity is for republicans.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
